Question:

Dr. Fine, my mother strongly believes I should practice abstinence. Do you suggest I take her advice?

Answer:

If our beliefs are truly responsible for our behavior it becomes important for us to gain insight into the genesis of those beliefs. The decision to refrain from sexual intercourse until after marriage may be grounded in religion or culture. It might be an attempt to avoid pregnancy and/or a fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Or, it might have risen out of a negative sexual experience. Whatever the reason, your future revolves around the decisions that you make; therefore, it is important that you are at peace with your decision.

Pursing a life long love while practicing abstinence will not be easy. You must have an unwavering trust in yourself and the determination not to be pressured into changing your mind.

The vast majority of potential partners will not be in agreement. This sets the stage for conflict. When people do not agree or understand they become judgmental. This usually stems from either fear or insecurity. Do not let another’s insecurities chip away at your self-esteem.

In order to avoid uncomfortable situations and build a successful healthy relationship you must learn to be a good communicator from the beginning. Set the stage for honesty by saying exactly what you mean. Be specific and be aware of the non-verbal signals that you might be sending. You might encounter disappointment, however, this will avoid feelings of frustration, rejection, anger, bitterness and resentment. This will also prevent the both of you from wasting precious time.

Spend more time with family and friends who support your ideas and beliefs. People who care about you will accept you. Seek out activities with those who might hold the same ideals such as religious organizations. Network on the Internet. There are sites for those who practice abstinence such as greattowait.com and abtinence.net.

Learn to trust your intuition. The right person for you will share your goals, your philosophies, your hopes and your dreams.